please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
