apparently the secret to your success is patron
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
