k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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