last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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