I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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