If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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