It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
