omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you win again, gameday.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
