Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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