Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
