I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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