my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
operation harelip BJ is a go
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
