I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
