It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
