He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize