she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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