...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
why do cheetos always look like penises
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
