I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
