I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
