just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
