i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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