Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
