We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
