I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
