Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
