I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
