Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
