I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
