i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
