apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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