we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
