That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
