Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
