In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
