Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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