Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
