I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
