My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
