we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Still dying that you shit outside
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
