I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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