I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
