she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
