remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish i was in the wii world.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
