He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
