she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
