when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
did i just pee glitter
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
