After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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