I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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