That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
