i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
