Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
