i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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