And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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