I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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