I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
