You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When did angry sex become our thing?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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