Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Every concussion has its silver lining
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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