She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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