Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I cannot find my penis.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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