At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
