So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize