I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
