youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize