Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
