Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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