This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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