WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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